


Hate That I Love You

by Scrcndpty



Series: Male!Reader by Scrcndpty [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Boys Kissing, Kissing, M/M, Reader-Insert, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 13:31:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15819873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scrcndpty/pseuds/Scrcndpty
Summary: Well, the sight of his best friend kissing his little brother shocked Steve. Made him angry, even. He was as red as you in his face, and while your flush had arisen from Bucky kissing you- wet, and hotly, and entirely inappropriate for a back alley next to a diner -Steve was angry.When Bucky told Steve that he kinda had a crush on his little brother, Bucky's best friend wasn't too delighted, to put it simply. After seven years of you and Bucky not doing well with each other, Steve is ... surprised to see you two kissing.





	Hate That I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> _Request by anonymous on tumblr:_ "hey! could you possibly write a bucky x male!reader fic where the reader is steve’s brother, so they have to hide their relationship, and steve finds out and gets mad? thank you sm!!!"
> 
> Originally posted on tumblr.

“I. Can’t. Fucking. Believe. It.”

Bucky caught your lower lip between his teeth, gently sucking at it before he pulled back fully, head turning to look at a fuming Steve.

Contrary to popular belief, Steve did curse. Like a sailor. Even worse, sometimes. But this happened only if he was so enraged, shocked, or generally too thrown off to watch his language.

Just like now. For example.

Well, the sight of his best friend kissing his little brother shocked him. Made him angry, even. He was as red as you in his face, and while your flush had arisen from Bucky kissing you - _wet, and hotly, and entirely_ _inappropriate_ _for a back alley next to a diner_ \- Steve was angry. And a bit embarrassed at catching his _little baby brother_ in such a situation, but it was mostly anger.

You couldn’t help the little yelp that escaped you when you realized you had been interrupted, instinctively clinging tighter to Bucky, who responded by pulling you closer protectively. He adapted to the circumstance of Steve finally catching you two way faster than you. Clearing his throat audibly, he tried a small smile.

“Can we help ya, Stevie?”

“Can you help- I mean- what the fuck? Are you kidding me? What are you doing?”

“Don’t think ya need someone t’ explain this to ya.”

If possible, Steve got even redder. “N-no. And could you please get your hands off of my brother!”

He got closer and awkwardly tried to pry you two away from each other. Bucky only let go off you reluctantly, and you still stood there like a deer caught in the headlights. Not until Steve had shoved you behind him, standing between you and Bucky, did you get your act together and put a hand on Steve’s bicep, trying to get his attention.

“Steve, please calm down- ”

“No!” Steve interrupted you, not even looking at you. “Ten minutes ago, you nearly jumped at each other in the diner. And I don’t mean _this_ jumping at each other!”

Normally, you had laughed at this, but the fact that Steve looked like punching the next guy making even the tiniest move did wonders to keep your mouth shut.

Apparently, a little bit of fear shone in your eyes, because Bucky held up his hands, palms facing Steve, and said, “Stevie, really, calm down. Yer kinda scaring Y/N.”

This had Steve loosen up, the muscle underneath your hand relaxing as he drew in a few sharp breaths.

“Alright,” he breathed, “but could you please -” His eyes hardened once again, boring deep into Bucky’s. “Y/N, did you agree to this?”

You frowned, then your eyes widened. “Yes! Jeez, Steve, yes! Bucky didn’t force me to do _anything_. God!”

Bucky tensed at Steve’s question, hurt clearly visible in his features, but Steve ignored it for now.

“Okay, then, would someone _please_ be so nice to explain this to me? Last time I checked you _hate_ _d_ each other. Not something I was happy about, but it had lasted for _years_ now. What- how- what changed?”

Steve tried hard to keep himself under control, and you moved to stood beside and not longer behind him. Bucky looked at you.

“Well, we knew we had to explain ourselves some time, right?” you said, trying to put on a lighter tone, your smile vanishing quickly when Steve’s stone cold expression didn’t warm up even a bit.

You sighed, and started to explain.

  


* * *

  


It had been the thirteenth of June seven years ago when you and Bucky had the biggest fight in your entire life. It had been silly, really, but almost all fights you have are silly when you are barely twelve years old. But who thought Bucky could hold a grudge over a stolen bite of his meal _for years_ , while you were pouty about being yelled for just as long.

(Steve always thought that Bucky would be a bit more mature about it, seeing that he were two years older than you, but boy had he been wrong.)

Anyways, Bucky held a grudge, you held a grudge, and over the next few years neither of you failed of using every chance you could get to make horribly fun of each other, insult each other, or pick another fight over the tiniest bit. It was exhausting, for Steve, but both you and Bucky were stubborn as hell, and nobody wanted to give in.

(You had kept it to yourself that Bucky pushing you had never been enough to keep your childhood crush for him from growing over the years.)

Some day, a bit over a year ago, Steve hadn’t been there to end a fight, and it took a turn neither one of you had expected or ever dreamed of in your wildest dreams.

“ _Where’s Stevie?”_

_You took your time in finishing the current paragraph you were reading before you glanced up to look at Bucky, who was already annoyed by you testing his patience_ on purpose _for sure._

“ _He’s not at home.”_

_Bucky rolled his eyes, “Oh, really? Didn’t notice_ that _.”_

_Simply shrugging your shoulders, you picked up where you left off, trying to ignore Bucky’s presence._

“ _Ya didn’t answer my question.”_

_You sighed, stretching your legs out of their crossed position to lay your feet on the coffee table in front of you._

“ _Didn’t he tell you he has art class today?”_

_Bucky frowned. “No, he didn’t.”_

_A page was turned audibly. “No? Well, what a bummer.”_

_Bucky’s frown deepened. “He would have told me.”_

“ _But he hasn’t,” you were quick to answer, “get over the fact that you aren’t the center of my brother’s universe.”_

_This made Bucky growl. “Why do you always have to be such a brat?”_

_One eyebrow raised, you turned your head once again to look at Bucky. “I’m not a_ brat. _You only get what you deserve.”_

“ _What I deserve? I don’t think I deserve t’ be disrespected by Steve’s_ little brother.”

_You sure as hell didn’t like the way Bucky emphasized the words “little brother.” The book in your hands closed with a smack, and you stood to face Bucky._

_He noticed once again that you were now as tall as him, and just like Steve you had been able to gain a bit of muscle mass the last two years. Your arms bulged a little as you crossed them in front of your chest, head held high just like Bucky’s as you stared at each other._

“ _I really don’t like the tone of your voice.”_

“ _And I really don’t like yer behavior. Ya should respect yer elders.”_

“ _You’re like, twenty, only two years older than me.”_

“ _An’ you act like a kid all the same. Ya annoy everyone to no ends.”_

“ _I don’t annoy everyone. I annoy you, because you_ bother _me to no ends.”_

“ _That’s a synonym!”_

“ _Who cares?”_

“ _Yer so goddamn childish!”_

“ _And you’re the one having a childish fight with the kid!”_

“ _Who started by not answering my question, huh?”_

“ _I answered your question, it was only something you didn’t want to hear! Talking about childish, right?”_

_Bucky growled again, and wow, strangely, that sound traveled straight downwards this time. You swallowed heavily. “I bet you are still mad just because I took_ one _of your french fries six fucking_ years _ago!”_

_You didn't really noticed how it happened, but during your yelling, you and Bucky had moved closer to each other, Bucky stabbing a finger into your chest._

“ _Yeah, well, ever heard of askin’ before stealin’ the last fry?”_

“ _Yes!”_

“ _Why didn’t ya ask then?”_

“ _Because you wouldn’t have said ‘yes’ anyway!”_

“ _What the fuck gave ya that idea?”_

“ _You!”_

_Bucky blinked. “What?”_

_Your eyes narrowed. “What?” you imitated, voice mocking. “Don’t look like that! I know that I always had been a thorn in your side. I was Stevie’s little brother, the kid that always demands attention from everyone. You didn’t like it that I could have been spending more time with Steve, always saying that I should go bother my_ own _friends”_

_Okay, this Bucky could remember, but -_

“ _Why didn’t ya simply do it?”_

_You were so enraged that the veins on your arms bulged as you balled your hands to fists. The wings of your nose twitched, and you grit your teeth before spitting out, “I had no friends!I had been unable to make friends, nobody liked me. So I stuck to my brother, and I wanted to be friends with you, because I thought you were cool, and the first few years it worked, but suddenly you_ hated _me!”_

_\- but how were he going to tell you that his “hatred” wasn’t because of you, without having you think of him as crazy?_

_Bucky closed his eyes and sighed deeply. It was silent for a few seconds, only your heavy breathing made a sound in the room._

“ _I never hated you, Y/N.”_

“ _Really? It sure didn’t look like it. I … I_ liked _you, Bucky. Then we had this fight, and after a year later or so of us two using every chance we could get to pick another fight, you also started to leave every room as soon as I stepped foot into, in school you ignored me even when we sat at the same table to have lunch, and … and it was only in the beginning, but in front of Steve you tried to act as if nothing happened. As if we were friends._

“ _It hurt, Bucky, and until now I really don’t know what I did to deserve this – except for stealing your fries.”_

_Being at a loss of words, Bucky took one of your balled hands in his, opening it to reveal dents of your fingernails in the heel of your hand. Surprisingly, you didn’t pull back. “’M sorry, Y/N. It never had been your fault.”_

_You laughed humorlessly. “You’re just saying that.”_

“ _No, it was my fault.” Bucky also loosened the fingers of your second hand, holding them both in his hands. “I, um, I didn’t know what I was doing at the time, but I knew it was kinda wrong to be, er, attracted to ma best friend’s little brother, who was also twelve, so I tried to keep ya from coming closer.”_

_You gawked at Bucky, but still didn’t pull back your hands._

“ _Some day I’d enough courage to tell Stevie, and, wow, he hadn’t been happy, to put it simple. So I started to actively avoid ya, and, yeah, ya know the rest.”_

“ _You,” you started, eyebrows drawn impossibly close together, “are the biggest idiot_ ever _.”_

“ _Tell me something new.”_

_Your lower lip trembled, so you opted for tentatively circling your arms around Bucky and hiding your face in the crook of his neck._

  


_Your lower lip trembled, so you opted for tentatively circling your arms around Bucky and hiding your face by laying your forehead against his shoulder._

“ _It is kinda weird to have a crush on a twelve year old,” you mumbled against the fabric of his shirt._

_Bucky sighed. “I know. I … I was so freaked out, and Steve was so mad.” He felt your fingers curl into the back of his shirt, then you looked up at him, and - hope was shining in your eyes._

“ _But it’s also weird to have a crush on your older brother’s best friend,” you continued. “I hated that we couldn’t seem to get along anymore. I had this crush on you since I knew you!”_

“ _W-What?” Bucky asked. You flushed._

“ _Not … not the gross kind, the ‘I admire you’-kind of crush. But then you became, like super hot, and your voice always got so deep when we - when we, god, when we yelled at each other.” You stared up at Bucky with an uncertain face. “You do know I am_ _eighteen_ _, now?”_

_Bucky swallowed visibly. “Yes,” he answered hoarsely._

_Your gaze dropped down to his_ \- oh, so delicious - _lips, then back up quickly. “I hate you, Bucky, and I hate that I still like you, even after everything that happened.”_

“ _Y/N,” Bucky whispered, his fingertips of one hand gliding over the back of your neck and into your hair. Your breath hitched._

“ _This is … wrong,” he said while leaning in closer._

“ _I don’t care,” you said, determined, as you let your nose brush Bucky’s. “I want this. Wanted this since I fully understood what 'sexually attracted’ even meant.”_

“ _But you hate me,” Bucky whispered, laying his other hand on your hip._

“ _Ever heard of hate and love laying close together?”_

_Bucky didn’t pull back when you finally pressed your lips against his, and even let out a small whimper when you were the one to pull back._

“ _Stevie’s gonna loose his mind,” he said, thumb stroking over your cheek bone._

“ _Let him. For once in my life I wanna get what I want.”_

_Short pause._

“ _If it is okay with you.”_

_Bucky chuckled. “It_ is _weird … in a good way, though. I guess.”_

The whole thing between you and Bucky continued to be weird. Until it got fan- friggin’ -tastic.

In front of Steve and your friends you still fought, bickered, and insulted each other, and nobody seemed to pick up on the fact that you and Bucky actually enjoyed it by now.

When you were alone, then, you spend most of the time cradled in each others arms, sometimes talking (like complimenting each other on a real good comeback during one of your “fights”), but more often having lazy make-out sessions (which tended to become heavy quicker and quicker).

During the year the two of you were together now, you had generous amount of time to explore one another’s body, what the other liked, what drove him wild.

There was nothing better than seeing Bucky squirm underneath you, face flushed red, hips bucking up in a desperate attempt to get off.

And somehow, you two managed to keep your entire relationship hidden.

(They had been close calls, of course. One day Bucky had to really hide under the bed, and you had tried very hard not to burst out into laughter the whole time Steve took to stay in your room to explain to you the importance of not placing back the bottle of orange juice if there was only a sip left.)

Up until now. Another fateful day of you stealing Bucky’s fries.

_Natasha looked at Clint with an annoyed expression as the latter knocked her to the side to get the seat at the window._

“ _You know, you only had to say something, and I would have let you take the seat,” she said, nevertheless sitting down next to Clint, who smiled sheepishly at her and shrugged his shoulders._

_Sam sat down next to Steve, and Bucky took the seat at the head of the table, the waiter coming shortly after to give them the menu._

“ _Didn’t Y/N want to come, too, today?” Sam asked Steve,_ _shooting_ _Bucky a side-way glance as if he expected him to explode at the mere mention of your name._

“ _Yes,” Steve answered, “he should be here- ah, there he is.”_

_Your big brother waved as he spotted you at the entrance of the diner, smiling as you caught his gaze. You returned the smile and made your way over._

“ _Hey, guys, long time no see.”_

_The others greeted you, but you could still here Bucky’s mumbled, “Still too soon again.”_

_By now it was easy to hide your smile and laughter every time you had a “fight” with Bucky. Today you decided to grab a chair from the table next to you, placing it right beside Bucky and forcing him to make more room for you._

_He grumbled and shot you his trademark murder stare. Steve already frowned._

“ _Is it yer friend’s naptime already?”_

_Steve sighed heavily as someone - it was Bucky this time - initiated the next fight between you two. The other did what they started to do ages ago: as long as you two didn’t begin to swing fists, they would let you bicker as you pleased._

_You smiled sarcastically at Bucky, and said: “You should join them, maybe then you can finally lay off your childish behavior and stop being cranky.”_

_In truth, Peter had promised his aunt May to keep her company for lunch, Ned as well, and Shuri had to meet up with her project partner. Bucky loved to exaggerate the fact that they were only three years younger than him._

_He also had something nice planned to snap back, but just as he opened his mouth, the waiter appeared and asked them for their orders._

_You were the last to order, just after Bucky ordered some extra fries for his burger, and wow, that was simply perfect._

“ _Would you like some extras, too?” the waitress asked, pen at the ready to write it down. “Maybe some fries as well?”_

_It was really hard now to hide your smile. “No, thanks. I really don’t need more.”_

_Under the table, Bucky’s hand squeezed your knee; he knew exactly what you were planning._

_During the entire time you guys waited for your food, Steve was watching you and Bucky. You were calm now, both of you, but he was wary. Even when the food came and you all began to eat, there was no fighting, only “normal” conversation._

_Then you reached for Bucky’s fries._

_Steve held his breath. Bucky stared at you. You stared directly back into his eyes, dipped the fry into his sauce, and pushed it into your mouth._

“ _Are ya fuckin’ kiddin’ me?”_

_The others stopped in their actions at Bucky’s slightly raised voice._

“ _What?” you asked, emphasizing your chewing._

“ _The waitress literally asked ya if ya wanted some fries. Ya said ‘no.’ Do ya even know what that word means? It means ya didn’t want any fries. Why are ya stealin’ mine?”_

_You shrugged. “They were looking really good. Suddenly I wanted some fries.”_

“ _Have ya ever heard of askin’?”_

_You shrugged your shoulders again. “You didn’t mind it when Nat was taking some fries.”_

_Natasha’s eyes narrowed at this. “I swear to god, don’t drag me into your fights,” she said, holding up her hands._

_Neither you nor Bucky were even listening to her._

“ _Well,” Bucky said, “differe_ _n_ _ce between ya and Nat is, that ’m considering her a friend. A decent one at that.”_

_Your chewing slowed. The whole table was dead silent as you swallowed visibly, staring straight into Bucky’s eyes as you spat, “Fuck you, Barnes. Didn’t even know you knew the term 'friend’ if you speak to anyone like that.”_

_Then, you turned away and hastily grabbed your things, outright bolting out of the diner._

_Bucky knew that your fights were all for show now, but as he was watching you storm out of the diner, the gazes of all his friends lying heavily on his form, he began to feel uncertain._

_He cleared his throat, trying hard to avoid especially Steve’s eyes as he pushed back his chair. “I, um, should prob'ly go after him,” he murmured, walking out of the diner with long strides._

_You were found by Bucky in a back alley next to the diner. Leaning against the wall, you stared up into the sky, arms folded in front of your chest as you breathed heavily in and out._

“ _Y/N,” Bucky said, startling you. A shaking smile formed on your lips._

“ _Buck.” Your voice wavered, then broke as you opened your mouth to say something else. It hang open as you struggled to form words._

“ _Shit,” Bucky cursed and moved quickly to pull you into his arms. “’M sorry,” he murmured, again and again, stroking over your hair. To his relief, you returned his embrace,_ _burring_ _your face in the crook of his neck._

_After a while, you pulled back and smiled at Bucky again, this time more convincing than before. “It’s okay,” you said, “just became overwhelmed, I guess.”_

_Bucky was still frowning, cupping your face as he searched your eyes. “Ya know you’re even more than just a friend, right?”_

“ _Right.”_

“ _I love you.”_

“ _Yes, yes,” you nodded, “I love you, too.”_

_Bucky smiled, you smiled back, and the next thing you knew he was pressing his lips to yours. You returned the kiss and were busy up until Steve interrupted._

Steve stared at you, then at Bucky, then back to you.

“The last … the last year,” Steve began, “you have been together? As in … boyfriend and boyfriend?”

His whole face became dark red again, even the tips of his ears were colored. You simply nodded as his gaze lay on you.

Heaving a big sigh, Steve dragged a hand through his hair. “Then … then why were you still fighting all the time? I-I don’t understand this.”

Bucky looked at you, as if asking for permission, or rather building up enough courage to say what you knew he wanted to say.

“Stevie,” he began, voice quiet, “do you remember when I told you for the first time that … that I liked Y/N?”

Steve grimaced. “Yes, I … I didn’t react well.”

Bucky chuckled without much humor. “Ya could say that. But my feelings, my feelings for Y/N haven’t changed, okay? I love him, even more maybe, an’ he loves me. I know I’d be happier if ya were approving of our relationship, but I am my own person, as is Y/N, and our relationship’s our business.”

You were sure that Steve wanted to say something; you knew your brother, and the look you threw him was enough to shut him up before he even started talking, urging him to think about his words again.

In the end, he sighed again. “You know what? I have to think about this. I just … I have to get out of here at the moment.”

As soon as Steve vanished, it was as all air left Bucky’s body, sagging against your side.

“Oh my god,” he breathed, “he’s furious.”

“Of course he is,” you answered, raking your fingers over the back of his head. “You’re defiling his little brother.”

“Y/N,” Bucky grumbled, but you only chuckled.

“Let Steve be,” you said. “Let him fume, let him throw his fit. You were right. It is my life, and I decide with whom I want to spend it. We’re not twelve anymore.”

Bucky sighed, smiling up at you. “Our story is sure something.”

You nodded, pressing a kiss onto Bucky’s nose. “It’s not perfect, but I like it how it is right now.

"Wouldn’t want to have it any other way.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have the biggest feeling that this is. Weird. As. Fuck. I am sorry, really.
> 
> Eh, as always, kudos and comments are appreciated.
> 
> Visit me on tumblr!


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